ABOUT MONICA STANESCU
My interest in psychology and therapeutical approaches sparked about twenty years ago. Going through various adverse childhood experiences, being surrounded by unhealthy behaviours, and displaying unhealthy behaviours, understanding the mind and behaviours become something of high interest. Hence, I went to study psychology, and this was amazing! However, I needed to figure out what path to follow next. I wanted to study clinical psychology, but I was looking for more, so I decided to go and work in the Human Resources and Recruitment field. This time of my life was truly spectacular! I worked and met so many wonderful people (I still carry some wisdom from that time. My favourite is: “I am too poor to buy cheap shoes”, and I genuinely believe it, but I also love shoes, so it’s a good excuse when I want to buy another pair). I developed good diplomacy and professional skills, learned to adjust my communication skills, and developed people skills, which, over time, correlated with a high level of empathy and authenticity and became my strength as a person and now as a therapist.
Time went on, and when I found a Health Psychology course, it felt like the right approach to follow. I always believed in the biopsychosocial approach, that the environment we grow and live in is essential to our becoming. That was the time when I truly understood how traumatic it has been to receive the diagnosis of a chronic condition in my early twenties, how it has impacted my identity as a woman and how it took over my being and my life. I went through all the stages of grief, and it turned my world apart. But with great support around me, therapy, and friends, I managed to rebuild myself, the way I feel about myself. This time, in a conscious manner, by my values and beliefs, and my wishes for the future, how I wanted to conduct my life.Right after I received my MSc qualification, I started to work as a Specialist Mentor, providing emotional support for students all over the UK. When I studied for my undergraduate, I remember feeling my mind was so scattered, I had no notion of time management or prioritisation, struggling to study, focus and lacking motivation for a proactive approach to preparation ahead exams. I would end up not sleeping well, not eating the last two days before exams, and struggling to study.
Now, I understand that I needed guidance and support, and nowadays, someone does not need to spend years trying to change unhealthy beliefs and behaviours to healthy ones. You need the right support, tailored to your unique needs at that time. Hence, being able to work with students holds such a meaningful place in my heart. In my search to develop as an individual and professional, I started to study counselling. The counselling course was mind-blowing from a personal development perspective. I had to go back to therapy to process, challenge and integrate old, deeply ingrained beliefs. At a professional level, developing and applying the person centred approach made such a difference, but soon, I identified a new obstacle: trauma. Hence, I studied and integrated a trauma-informed, somatic psychotherapy course, which allows a whole exploration, beautifully exploring emotional beliefs and their expression throughout somatic work. This approach enables a healthy and rapid process and integration of our lived experiences.
Studying Cognitive-Behavioural Hypnotherapy was the cherry on top! I have always been fascinated by hypnotherapy, and it felt it would beautifully complete my set of skills to be able to offer a safe space and contain any challenge that one might bring into the therapeutical space, completing the process with enhancing self-confidence and self-esteem through deep suggestions right to the core of being. I now have well-rounded skills and professional expertise to support people in their transformative journey. But the most important thing is that I have grown so much due to all the knowledge I’ve accumulated, enhanced by my high level of empathy and non-judgment. I am currently enrolled as a trainee counsellor studying Level 5 and I am integrating the person centred approach not only in my professional life but in my personal one, it is a life style! I am happy to share this with anyone who might need a safe space to figure out ways to overcome emotional obstacles or to live well with daily stuff like managing stress, having to deliver a presentation, or managing social-romantic-family relationships.
Thank you for taking the time to get to know me. I look forward to hearing your story!
Your turn
4 Types of Attachment Styles
Do You Know Which Attachment Style You Have?
In my work, I often hold space for people to understand and process how the perceptions and beliefs formed at a very young age (childhood and adolescence) might impact or even drive their adulthood. However, this theme popped up in my personal life this week, so it stayed with me longer than I would have liked to.
It can be beneficial to understand that as young people, we may develop distorted perceptions of the outside world, influencing how we perceive relationships and develop our internal world. For example, if our parents spoke loudly or yelled at one another—without fighting, just yelling from one room to another—a child could develop a fear of loudness. Everything loud or perceived as a sharp sound in adulthood could trigger the initial feeling of fear developed in childhood. How we interact with our primary caregivers in childhood significantly impacts the formation of our attachment style. That initial environment, bond, relationships, and care represent the foundations of our personality.
The Four Main Attachment Styles
1. Securely Attached Individuals:
View themselves as worthy and lovable.
Are comfortable depending on others and having others rely on them.
Do not worry about being abandoned by others.
Their relationships are characterized by longevity, trust, commitment, and interdependence, more so than those of insecurely attached people.
Are readily able to seek and provide support in their relationships.
2. Dismissing-Avoidant Individuals:
View themselves as worthy and lovable.
View others as generally untrustworthy, unresponsive, and inattentive.
Maintain that they are comfortable without close relationships.
Prefer not to depend on others or have others depend on them.
Tend to keep others at a distance and avoid intimacy in relationships.
3. Anxious-Resistant Individuals:
View themselves as unworthy and unlovable.
Perceive others to be generally trustworthy, responsive, and attentive.
Are often preoccupied with and worry about their close relationships.
Are afraid that they will be abandoned or rejected by others.
Are uncomfortable being without close relationships.
4. Fearful-Avoidant Individuals:
View themselves as unworthy and unlovable.
View others as generally untrustworthy, unresponsive, and inattentive.
Are uncomfortable being close to or intimate with others.
Want emotionally close relationships but find it difficult to trust others or depend on them.
Are afraid of being hurt if they allow others to get close to them.
Understanding Your Attachment Style
Are you aware of how you have come to develop your attachment style?
Regardless of what beliefs you developed as a child, psychotherapy can help you identify them, process them, and transform them as an adult so you can improve the quality of your life. The good thing is that we can “reparent our inner child.” However, it is essential to highlight that this process can only be achieved in a safe space held by a professional capable of providing empathy and nonjudgment.
