ABOUT MONICA STANESCU
Your turn to share your story!
Why not message me at +44 7436869716, or email me [email protected], or book an introductory session.
My interest in psychology and therapeutic approaches sparked about twenty years ago. Going through various adverse childhood experiences, being surrounded by unhealthy behaviours, and displaying unhealthy behaviours, understanding the mind and human behaviours becomes something of high interest. Hence, I went on to study Psychology, and I found it amazing! I initially wanted to study clinical psychology, but I was looking for more, so I decided to pursue a career in the Human Resources and Recruitment field. This time of my life was truly spectacular! I worked and met so many wonderful people. I still carry some wisdom from that time. My favourite is: “I am too poor to buy cheap shoes”, and I genuinely believe it, but I also love shoes, so it’s a good excuse when I want to buy another pair. I developed strong diplomatic and professional skills, learned to adjust my communication style, and refined my people skills, which, over time, correlated with a high level of empathy and authenticity, becoming my strengths as a person and now as a therapist.
Time passed, and when I discovered a Health Psychology Master's at the University of the West of England, it felt like the right approach to follow. I have always believed in the biopsychosocial approach, which holds that the environment in which we grow and live is essential to our development. That was the time when I truly understood how traumatic it had been to receive the diagnosis of a chronic condition in my early twenties, how it had impacted my identity as a woman and how it had taken over my being and my life. I went through all the stages of grief, and it turned my world upside down. But with great support around me, therapy, and friends, I managed to rebuild myself, the way I feel about myself. This time, in a conscious manner, by my values and beliefs, my wishes for the future, and how I wanted to conduct my life. Immediately after receiving my MSc qualification, I began working as a Specialist Mentor, providing mental and emotional support to students who are challenged by various disabilities, long-term conditions, and/or learning difficulties. When I studied for my undergraduate degree, I remember feeling that my mind was scattered. I had no notion of time management or prioritisation, struggled to study and focus, and lacked motivation for a proactive approach to preparation ahead of exams. I would end up not sleeping well, not eating the last two days before exams, and struggling to study.
Now, I understand that I needed guidance and support, and nowadays, someone does not need to spend years trying to change unhealthy beliefs and behaviours to healthy ones. You need the right support, tailored to your unique needs at that time. Hence, working with students holds a significant place in my heart. In my quest to develop as an individual and professional, I began studying the Person-Centred Approach (more commonly known as counselling). The counselling course was mind-blowing from a personal development perspective. I had to go back to therapy to process, challenge and integrate old, deeply ingrained beliefs. At a professional level, developing and applying the Person-Centred Approach made a significant difference; however, I soon identified a new obstacle: trauma. Hence, I studied and integrated a one-year Trauma-Informed and Somatic Psychotherapy course, which allowed for a thorough exploration of emotional experiences and their expression through somatic work. This approach enables a healthy and rapid process and integration of our lived experiences.
Studying Cognitive-Behavioural Hypnotherapy was the cherry on top! I have always been fascinated by hypnotherapy, and I believe it would beautifully complement my set of skills to be able to offer a safe space and contain any challenges that one might bring into the therapeutic setting, thereby enhancing the process by deepening self-confidence and self-esteem through targeted suggestions that reach the core of being. I now possess well-rounded skills and professional expertise to support individuals in their transformative journeys. However, the most important thing is that I have grown significantly due to the extensive knowledge I’ve accumulated, which my high level of empathy and non-judgmental approach have enhanced. I am currently enrolled as a trainee counsellor studying at Level 5, and I am integrating the person-centred approach not only in my professional life but also in my personal one; it has become a lifestyle. I am happy to share this with anyone who might need a safe space to figure out ways to overcome emotional obstacles or to live well with daily challenges, such as managing stress, delivering a presentation, or navigating social, romantic, and family relationships.
Thank you for taking the time to get to know me. I look forward to hearing your story!
New BloADHD Masking in Women: The Hidden Exhaustion Behind “Holding It All Together”g Post
ADHD Masking in Women: The Hidden Exhaustion Behind “Holding It All Together”
Many women challenged by ADHD appear to be coping well.
They meet deadlines.
They show up for others.
They keep things running.
From the outside, everything may seem under control.
But internally, it can feel very different.
Behind the appearance of coping, many women are working incredibly hard to manage overwhelm, organise their thoughts, regulate their emotions, and keep up with expectations.
This is often known as ADHD masking.
What Is ADHD Masking?
ADHD masking refers to the ways people consciously or unconsciously “hide” their ADHD challenges in order to meet social expectations or avoid judgement.
For women, masking often begins early in life.
Many girls learn that being disorganised, forgetful, or emotionally expressive may be criticised. Over time, they adapt by trying to appear more “in control.”
Masking can involve:
over-preparing for tasks
double-checking everything repeatedly
spending extra time organising or planning
suppressing emotional reactions
hiding difficulties with focus or memory
These strategies can help someone function in certain environments, but they often come at a cost.
Why ADHD Masking Is So Common in Women
ADHD in women is frequently overlooked, especially in childhood.
Instead of being recognised as ADHD challenges they may be labelled as personality traits:
“sensitive”
“scatterbrained”
“emotional”
“not trying hard enough, being lazy”
Because of this, many women grow up without understanding their challenges and experiences.
They may feel that they simply need to try harder.
So they do.
They compensate.
They adapt.
They mask.
Over time, masking becomes a way of navigating the world.
The Invisible Effort Behind Masking
One of the most significant aspects of ADHD masking is that it is often invisible.
From the outside, someone may appear organised or capable.
But internally, they may be managing:
racing thoughts
constant reminders
emotional rollercoasters
ongoing anxiety about forgetting things
a high level of pressure to keep up
This creates a constant cognitive and emotional load.
Many women describe feeling as though they are always “on,” always monitoring themselves, always trying to stay one step ahead.
This level of effort is rarely recognised by others.
The Emotional Impact of Masking
Masking is not just a practical strategy. It has emotional consequences.
Many women whom experience ADHD masking might experience:
Exhaustion - Constant effort leads to physical, mental and emotional fatigue.
Anxiety - Worry about making mistakes or not being “good enough.”
Self-criticism - Believing they are not doing enough, despite trying very hard.
Disconnection - Feeling unsure of who they really are beneath the coping strategies.
Over time, masking can contribute to ADHD burnout, where the nervous system becomes overwhelmed after prolonged stress.
Masking and Late ADHD Diagnosis
ADHD masking is one of the main reasons many women receive a diagnosis later in life.
Because they appear to be coping, their struggles may not be recognised by others—or even by themselves.
It is often only when life becomes more demanding that the limitations of masking become clear.
For example:
increased responsibilities at work
managing multiple roles
becoming university student
experiencing burnout
At this point, the effort required to maintain the mask may become unsustainable.
This can lead women to seek answers and eventually receive a diagnosis.
The Cost of “Holding It All Together”
Many women describe feeling as though they are constantly holding everything together.
But this effort can come at a cost.
When someone is always compensating, there is little space left for rest.
The nervous system remains in a state of ongoing activation.
Over time, this can lead to:
chronic exhaustion
emotional overwhelm
difficulty focusing
shutdown or withdrawal
What looks like resilience from the outside may actually be unsustainable effort.
Recognising Masking Patterns
Becoming aware of masking is an important step toward change.
Some signs of ADHD masking may include:
feeling exhausted after social or work interactions
spending excessive time preparing or organising
worrying about appearing competent
hiding struggles from others
feeling like you are “performing” rather than being yourself
feeling tired after a night sleep
Recognising these patterns is not about removing all coping strategies.
It is about understanding the level of effort involved and potential re-evaluate them.
Moving Toward a More Supportive Approach
Reducing masking does not mean giving up responsibility or structure.
It means finding ways to support your brain more sustainably.
This might include:
Adjusting expectations - Letting go of unrealistic standards that contribute to pressure.
Allowing more flexibility - Working with your natural rhythms rather than against them.
Supporting emotional regulation - Developing ways to respond to overwhelm with more awareness.
Creating supportive environments - Reducing unnecessary stimulation where possible.
These shifts can help reduce the pressure that leads to masking.
How Therapy Can Help
Therapy can provide a space where masking is no longer necessary.
Working with a therapist who understands ADHD in women can help you:
explore the impact of long-term masking
understand patterns of overwhelm and burnout
develop strategies that feel more natural and sustainable
reconnect with your authentic self
For many women, therapy is the first place where they feel they can be fully understood without needing to hide their struggles.
A Different Perspective on ADHD Masking
ADHD masking is not a failure, on contrary: is a sign of adaptation.
It reflects the ways in which someone has learned to navigate a world that may not fully understand their needs.
However, adaptation should not come at the cost of wellbeing.
Understanding masking can be the first step toward finding a more balanced way of living.
Final Thoughts
Many women challenged by ADHD traits have spent years holding things together while quietly managing a significant amount of internal effort.
Masking can help in the short term, but over time it can lead to exhaustion and disconnection.
Recognising ADHD masking is not about removing all coping strategies.
It is about understanding yourself more deeply and creating space for support.
If you recognise yourself in these experiences, it may not mean you are not coping.
It may mean you have been coping in ways that require more support than you have received.
And that is something that can begin to change.
