ABOUT MONICA STANESCU
My interest in psychology and therapeutical approaches sparked about twenty years ago. Going through various adverse childhood experiences, being surrounded by unhealthy behaviours, and displaying unhealthy behaviours, understanding the mind and behaviours become something of high interest. Hence, I went to study psychology, and this was amazing! However, I needed to figure out what path to follow next. I wanted to study clinical psychology, but I was looking for more, so I decided to go and work in the Human Resources and Recruitment field. This time of my life was truly spectacular! I worked and met so many wonderful people (I still carry some wisdom from that time. My favourite is: “I am too poor to buy cheap shoes”, and I genuinely believe it, but I also love shoes, so it’s a good excuse when I want to buy another pair). I developed good diplomacy and professional skills, learned to adjust my communication skills, and developed people skills, which, over time, correlated with a high level of empathy and authenticity and became my strength as a person and now as a therapist.
Time went on, and when I found a Health Psychology course, it felt like the right approach to follow. I always believed in the biopsychosocial approach, that the environment we grow and live in is essential to our becoming. That was the time when I truly understood how traumatic it has been to receive the diagnosis of a chronic condition in my early twenties, how it has impacted my identity as a woman and how it took over my being and my life. I went through all the stages of grief, and it turned my world apart. But with great support around me, therapy, and friends, I managed to rebuild myself, the way I feel about myself. This time, in a conscious manner, by my values and beliefs, and my wishes for the future, how I wanted to conduct my life.Right after I received my MSc qualification, I started to work as a Specialist Mentor, providing emotional support for students all over the UK. When I studied for my undergraduate, I remember feeling my mind was so scattered, I had no notion of time management or prioritisation, struggling to study, focus and lacking motivation for a proactive approach to preparation ahead exams. I would end up not sleeping well, not eating the last two days before exams, and struggling to study.
Now, I understand that I needed guidance and support, and nowadays, someone does not need to spend years trying to change unhealthy beliefs and behaviours to healthy ones. You need the right support, tailored to your unique needs at that time. Hence, being able to work with students holds such a meaningful place in my heart. In my search to develop as an individual and professional, I started to study counselling. The counselling course was mind-blowing from a personal development perspective. I had to go back to therapy to process, challenge and integrate old, deeply ingrained beliefs. At a professional level, developing and applying the person centred approach made such a difference, but soon, I identified a new obstacle: trauma. Hence, I studied and integrated a trauma-informed, somatic psychotherapy course, which allows a whole exploration, beautifully exploring emotional beliefs and their expression throughout somatic work. This approach enables a healthy and rapid process and integration of our lived experiences.
Studying Cognitive-Behavioural Hypnotherapy was the cherry on top! I have always been fascinated by hypnotherapy, and it felt it would beautifully complete my set of skills to be able to offer a safe space and contain any challenge that one might bring into the therapeutical space, completing the process with enhancing self-confidence and self-esteem through deep suggestions right to the core of being. I now have well-rounded skills and professional expertise to support people in their transformative journey. But the most important thing is that I have grown so much due to all the knowledge I’ve accumulated, enhanced by my high level of empathy and non-judgment. I am currently enrolled as a trainee counsellor studying Level 5 and I am integrating the person centred approach not only in my professional life but in my personal one, it is a life style! I am happy to share this with anyone who might need a safe space to figure out ways to overcome emotional obstacles or to live well with daily stuff like managing stress, having to deliver a presentation, or managing social-romantic-family relationships.
Thank you for taking the time to get to know me. I look forward to hearing your story!
Your turn
The Spring Comes with a "Let It Go" Attitude
The spring comes with a "let it go" attitude!
Spring is here, and the first day of spring was fantastic. It was sunny and warm, with a bright blue sky. Loads of people were outdoors, and children were cycling and playing on the streets of my neighbourhood. This experience immediately brought me to a feeling of rebirth. I saw and felt it everywhere and experienced such a marvellous state of being.
How might your rebirth look?
However, it also led me to think that to experience the rebirth, humans need to learn to "let it go". "Let go" of harsh feelings towards our younger versions, and instead of blaming and shaming them for not knowing or doing better, approach them with compassion and admiration for proving resilient and bringing us where we are today.
Every experience provides us with learning opportunities, and this doesn't mean that we don't have to acknowledge any harm we might have experienced or unhealthy decisions we might have made. Looking back on our experiences and learning from them, taking time to reflect, and how we can implement change today if change is required means we are taking responsibility from “the adult role” and letting go of the “victim” approach. Approaching our younger versions with compassion, it can be a lengthy process. Still, in my experience and my clients' experience, it is worthy.
It might be beneficial to learn to " let go" of any harsh feelings toward those who have wronged us, regardless of whether they are parents, carers, educators, neighbours, or friends. In my psychotherapeutic work with trauma, the skill of reframing has proved very helpful. It helps the client access more than one perspective on a specific situation, hence placing the focus on others as well. Reframing also requires responsibility for one's perceptions, thoughts, and feelings, which can result in unhelpful behaviours and support the lift of our unbeneficial beliefs about ourselves.
Are any of the following statements familiar to you:
"I am not good enough"
"I need everything and everyone to be perfect"
"I am sure nobody is interested in hearing from me"
"I do not matter”
“Nobody loves me”
Have you ever taken a moment to reflect on:
Whose voice is the voice which is telling you this?
What's the first memory of having a similar thought or feeling?
How have you come to form this belief?
From your role today, looking back on that situation on reflection, can you think of any other possibility?
Sometimes it might be challenging to have this reflective moment on your own, it's normal and natural. Remember a problem shared is a problem halved; therefore I encourage you to speak with a good friend, a parent or carer, an educator and if none of these are available remember that getting in touch with a therapist which could offer you a safe space where you can develop your self-awareness embedded in nonjudgement and with empathy is one click away at The Therapeutic Triad.
